I decided as an extra bonus this week to share this flash fiction I wrote about an altercation between a Vampire and a Tooth Fairy. It was just a silly little piece that came to me a couple of years back and I thought it was time to share it.
The smell of bacon woke him up. His head thumped heavy with a hangover. He kept his eyes closed hoping to sleep it off. His arm was hot, fiery even. That’s when he realised where the smell was coming from. Instinctively he pulled away from the sunlight but found he couldn’t move. He opened his eyes.
This was not his coffin.
There was no time to wonder where he was. All his attention was focused on freeing his arm from the sunlight.
He heard a giggling sort of chirrup and the sound of a curtain being drawn. Relief swept through him as the fiery pain was replaced with a dull throbbing sensation.
‘Dear me I’m sorry about that. I didn’t think to close that last night.’
The voice was annoying. It was old and grandmotherly yet high pitched and irritating.
‘Dear, dear. How do I go about this?
The voice was still behind him, unseen. He looked around the room, frantically trying to figure out what was going on. The room was large and airy with pebble-like bricks making up the walls. His eyes focused on the pearly white stones and realised that they weren’t pebbles. They were teeth. Children’s teeth.
A small figure flew into his line of sight about a foot in front of his face. She was portly and approximately the size of his fist.
‘You’re the tooth fairy!’ His eyebrows raised almost to his hairline as he started putting the information together.
‘I am,’ She chirruped again.
‘What the Hell is going on?’ He demanded, jerking against his restraints. He tore his eyes away from the elderly fairy to look at his wrists. ‘Why am I tied to a dental chair?’
‘It’s time for your appointment.’ The fairy responded, quirking her eyebrows.
‘What appointment? Why the Hell am I tied to a chair?’
‘Dear me you have some cavities,’ She babbled on, sticking her fingers into his mouth and poking around.
‘I don’t have cavities I’m dead!’
‘Yes. These are definitely going to have to come out.’ She tapped a fang with her wand as she thoroughly ignored his protestations.
‘You can’t take my fangs I’ll die!’ The Vampire spluttered.
‘But don’t you see? You’re already dead. And once I have your fangs I’ll incinerate your body and they’ll never know.’ A maniacal glee radiated from the Tooth Fairy’s eyes.
‘Who won’t know?’ He asked, fighting through his disbelief to process what was going on.
‘The Faerie council.’ The matron replied with a huff. ‘It is illegal to pull Vampire fangs you know. Problem is, every time one of you suckers die you turn to dust. Fangs and all!’
‘You’re mad!’ The Vampire wanted to back away from the deranged fae, but as it was, all he could do was stare at her in abject horror.
‘Maybe, but I’m getting those teeth.’ The fairy smirked. She advanced on him with maniacal giggling.
‘Help!’ The Vampire screamed.
The tooth fairy smiled as she magically extracted each fang slowly, the vampire screaming in pain.
‘My, my, what a racket you’re making over a couple of teeth.’ She held up the fangs in her hand, admiring them.
‘Right. Now to deal with you.’ She said to the pile of dust on the floor.
© B. Forrester 23/07/2018